


Darkness and Light

by LinaLuthor



Series: Stars in the night sky [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Trauma, Crimson Flower Route, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Multi, Polyamory, Scars (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaLuthor/pseuds/LinaLuthor
Summary: Edelgard wakes up alone in a part of the monastery that isn't her quarters, recalling what has made her run away from Dorothea and Petra, the two girls that have her heart.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg/Petra Macneary, Dorothea Arnault/Petra Macneary, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Petra Macneary
Series: Stars in the night sky [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085051
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	Darkness and Light

For a few seconds Edelgard was at a loss on how she had gotten there and why she was outdoors so early on, sunlight waking her up from a very bad nightmare as soon as the sun crept over the horizon and painted the sky in cheerful pinks, yellows, light blues and oranges. 

She blinked in surprise, widened her eyes and tried making out where exactly she was in the monastery - and why that wasn’t her quarters to begin with. Once the bad dream dissolved and reality set in, she realized with equal parts shame and sadness that she had apparently run to the Officers Academy, yet remained outside the Black Eagles classroom, perched on a corner between two walls. 

The black eagle surrounded by crimson on the shield seemed to scrutinize and judge her hunched form, the long white nightgown that covered every inch of her body alongside the gloves that never left her hands. Surely it found her lacking, unfitting to be a house leader, much less the future ruler of the Adrestian Empire. 

Not that she blamed or condemned such judgement, imaginary or not. Given the circumstances that had led her to being there in such a state, before the day started and lectures began, she was surprised it hadn’t outright sneered at her or driven her away to begin with. 

She surely had just done that to other people anyways, so it was the only thing she deserved as punishment for that.

Her heart painfully squeezed once she recalled small events from last night. She stretched without getting off the floor even though she knew she should, before someone could find her there and wonder what in the name of Sothis the Imperial princess was doing sleeping in front of the classroom, or out so early with nothing but her nightgown on.

The first thing that hit her was a wave of guilt and shame directed at her own self the second an image of a concerned Dorothea and a solicitous Petra came to her mind, their emerald and burgundy eyes trying to soothe her without words, telling them in a hundred different forms that it was fine, that she was ok and she didn’t need to do anything she didn’t want to. Their voices had been soft when they did try speaking to her, but by then she had already tuned them out, tuned the entire situation out as her body tensed and her mind returned to other, not so good days. 

Edelgard's own voice called out for them to stop, to not hurt any of her siblings or her anymore, even though she wasn’t even in Enbarr to begin with but several kilometers and years away from what had occurred, from the moments her mind had relieved. The terror and cruelty which had been imprinted upon her were a far cry from the love and care that had been poured on her during the previous moments, the ones she had been sharing with her loves.

It had been completely unplanned, the three of them seeking each other out after a stressful week of tests and a mission that had taken them to Remire village, in Edelgard’s uncle’s lands. While in there they had witnessed destruction and carelessness towards others that had sent everyone reeling, much more the princess for some reason her classmates hadn’t known. 

Because if they had, they would probably look at her with the same disgust they did when Solon had revealed himself. 

She shuddered with the possibility, with the thought that the two girls who had bestowed her with so much love would soon enough turn their backs on her, leaving her alone to fend for herself. To carry on her shoulders not only the Empire, her birthright once her siblings were gone, but also the weight of a war that would free them all. A war that many would oppose, she knew. 

Amidst those many, she was sure her classmates and newfound loves would be there as well. That they would already shun her now, if not when the war fell, for the fact that she had run from them in a moment of tenderness, once her mind turned it into one of sorrow and despair.

She sighed, hid her face with both hands as her eyes stung. She refused to cry over it, to let her emotions get their way with her once more after what they had already accomplished yesterday. After already destroying what she had held so dear because of one touch.

All it had taken was one touch for the walls she had carefully enacted around herself to crumble, and for the most vulnerable of truths to come spilling forward in sobs and half-comprehensible words for those that didn’t know the whole story. Petra and Dorothea didn’t; their knowledge of Edelgard’s past was resumed to the countless times in which they had soothed her from a nightmare, but got no explanation as to why these were so common and terrifying. 

Not that they even asked, but that was because they understood it was better not to pry. That their Edie, or Elle as Petra called her, would say something when she was ready.

The thing was, she had yet to even utter a word about it, about the circumstances of her past and how they had changed her back then, molding her into more than just the perfect Emperor that her captors had envisioned her to be. How they affected her present and, she feared, would continue to do so for the rest of her life.

All it had taken was one touch for Petra and Dorothea, ever sweet and caring, to get a glimpse into a world that was far too cruel, far too painful for Edelgard to be able to willingly share. Just as the Imperial throne and the coming war against the church were hers to bear, so was the weight of her past, the etchings it had left on her body in the form of scars that no one would see.

Scars that had almost been seen when they were in Edie's quarters, close to the mattress and Petra kept hugging El from behind while Dorothea kissed her, then slipped her hands from the smaller girl’s face and into her wrists, temporarily sliding underneath the gloves and almost succeeding into taking them out. The feeling of smooth, gentle fingertips against her pulsepoint, something so uncommon and ominous for El, raised an alarm and brought up memories that she tried keeping dormant in her waking hours. 

That had also been enough for Edelgard to yelp in surprise and pain, as Dorothea started removing the glove with some urgency and Petra held her closer by reflex. The touch of skin on skin reminded her of suffering, of being torn open by mages and scientists that wanted to make her into something better so she could achieve their goals. The hand on her pulse called forth images from people in long black capes and weird, pointed masks holding her down as she struggled, a feeble, small child battling against the will of adults, of people who had undermined her father and destroyed some of her siblings before getting to her. 

Panic had risen, taken over her chest and making her instinctively push Petra aside before dashing to a corner of the room, away from both of them as she readjusted the glove that had been slightly dislodged. Her breathing had hitched and become shallow as her heart started thudding painfully against her ribs, her eyes growing darker in color while her mind turned back into ominous times. Into ominous, cold days where there was no light, no hope. No love and dream that could save them from reality.

“Edelgard, love?” Dorothea had called and taken a step closer to her, then retreated once that made the princess whimper. “I’m sorry honey, I - I didn’t mean to -”

“Please don’t, I- I will be good,” Edelgard had mumbled, so low they almost couldn’t hear her from where they stood, whereas she had gone closer to the window. “Don’t punish them for something that I can solve.”

“Elle? You are not being there anymore,” Petra had whispered, unsure of what to do and if she even should do something to begin with. “We want to help you.”

“No more, please. No more.” 

The words cut through the soothing atmosphere that had been there before, took away the peace and love that had surrounded the three girls and the quarters they had all gone to after a too distressing mission. They had meant to hold each other close and remind themselves that there was something more than battles and atrocities waiting for them in the world they lived in. That it was worth being there, that they were incredible people and full of love for one another, a love that would and could see them through times of despair.

The kisses had started after some cuddling and caressing, a progression of events they had explored before. They already knew of Edelgard’s tendency to try exerting control, Dorothea’s joy in giving more than taking and Petra’s eagerness to learn more about her loves by the way their bodies spoke to her, exploring not only their differences and similarities, but how their moods were like by touch alone. In that form she was always able to define what they needed in order to relax and feel better too.

And that evening, an eerie calm after a grand storm, had found them too tense, too on edge to actually be able to enjoy the moment they had. 

No matter what they said or did, with Dorothea using magic to light the candles in the room after Edelgard muttered something about being in darkness, they weren’t able to further talk to her. It was as if that single, intimate touch had caused her to regress to worse times, remaining caged in a memory that was too real for her to break from. 

When she actually did, a few minutes after crying and asking for help that wouldn’t come, for a Goddess that wouldn’t answer or hear her prayers, Edelgard’s eyes were wide and unfocused as they settled over a concerned Dorothea and Petra. Even if their gazes were protective, solicitous and kind, their stances frozen while they waited for a sign, any sign, that they could approach and help her, her mind and body protested the position she had been seen at. 

Her loves had witnessed her fall, one of the rare moments in which she wasn’t future Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg, dedicated student and capable house leader. Rather, she had been seen like young princess Edelgard, ninth in line to the throne, a child that had hoped to grow and learn in the company of her siblings only to have that dream stripped away from her due to forces she hadn’t been able to understand.

The same forces that had promised her aid in her fight against the church. The same forces that, in that particular evening, had committed horrors in the small village of Remire.

Maybe because of that earlier brush with Those Who Slither in the Dark, with what they were capable of doing and their dismissive behavior towards people, Edelgard’s mind had already been a little more susceptible to such memories before her loves had arrived and touched her in that way. That had only been the last necessary step to set her off, not the cause of it - and after she returned to the present, seeing the looks on their faces only helped to further get her on edge.

El had never been one to run, no matter what her situation was. When faced by Petra and Dorothea declaring their love for her, something she had never thought she would feel until so pretty much since the beginning of the school year (when she had seen them and felt connected to both), she had met their gazes and beamed through the fear in her heart. She has accepted their feelings and showed her own, in her unique ways.

As their relationship developed, she faced the thoughts in her head that spoke about how unworthy she was, how she wasn’t capable of such a beautiful emotion after all that had been done to her. That she was nothing but a weapon, making the two girls waste their times with her. That they deserved better and she wasn’t even good to begin with. She had acknowledged those hesitations and their origins, then promised herself to work on them instead of bowing down to their scathing words.

That time however, it had all cut too close to home for her to even think about what she was doing. Thus she had fled from her own room, into a balmy night that grounded her into the present the further away she got from them. 

The last vision she had of her loves was the hurt, torn expression on Dorothea’s eyes, the surprise and concern in Petra’s while she dashed out with small sobs and tears still shining through her darkened, almost violet irises. 

That image had lulled her to sleep once her legs failed to take her too far away and she collapsed in front of the Black Eagles classroom, huddling close to cold, rocky walls that reminded her of dungeons, of days long gone that had recently been called forth in her mind. 

It was no surprise then that she had had such an awful night, so restless and full of nightmares, of fear gripping her close in a cold embrace amidst the warm night, the unsettling feelings that had lulled her heart to an uneasy sleep. 

Right then as well as it had happened back in the night, there was certainty that she had spooked away the only people who had ever cared for her, for Edelgard and not the next Emperor. For the girl that worked too hard in their opinion, that needed more rests, kisses and cuddles that extended way into the night so she wouldn’t suffer through those nasty dreams alone. That should trust them and be assured that they’d never push her into anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

It had always sounded and been too beautiful for Edelgard to hear those words. It had also made her feel guilty, when she realized she was keeping so much of herself away from them. That they didn’t know who they had welcomed into their relationship a few months ago, who they had calmed and soothed during some bad nights. 

As the day started and El looked at the horizon, at the soft morning sunlight that greeted her with a gentleness that her mind said she didn’t deserve, she took a first tentative step and then another, noting how stiff and sore her back, neck and legs were. How her gloomy mind didn’t belong on a day that promised to be enchanting, as there were no clouds in the sky and it was a piercing hue of blue already, a blue that promised warmth and the perfect environment for relaxing with some cold beverage. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and decided no good would come of her pondering even more over those things. That thinking wouldn't solve her issues, nor would it determine what her plan of action had to be.

She started making her way back to the second floor dormitories, as the last thing she wanted was for someone to see her like that and ask too many questions that she would never answer. Avoiding her loves was not only close to impossible given the fact that they were all in the same class, but not what they deserved at the very least. Sure, that was just her brain assuming they would want to talk to her after what they had witnessed - and in her mind they had all the reasons in the world not to ever look at her again to begin with.

Had she learned that nothing good would come of her dreaming about the reality she wanted?

While her steps guided her through the garden in front of the Officers Academy and the quarters which stood on the first floor, she tried thinking on the worst possible case and what she could do from there. Though there also wasn’t much, or very conclusive right then - she would never force them to speak to her if they had no desire to do so, which meant that there would be nothing left for her to do but deal with herself and accept being alone once more if that was the outcome of that situation.

Alone, as it seemed like she was meant to be. Her siblings being taken away from her hadn’t been enough, nor was the future promise that her friends in Garreg Mach would look at her with hatred as soon as the war began. 

Edelgard was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she almost failed to notice that she got to the base of the stairs which would take her to the quarters, where she should focus on getting changed and tackling the day ahead, its lessons and assignments, as if nothing had happened. Nothing _had_ happened, as far as everyone else was concerned.

Yet she had one second of clarity right then, at the best possible moment, to notice that there were voices coming from the staircase and getting closer and closer to her. Voices that spoke in concerned, saddened tones about someone who had left them the night before and needed to return. 

Instinct kicked in again, her eyes widening and her heart squeezing inside her chest, her muscles locking into place in preparation for another run. One that didn’t even begin, as the second emerald and burgundy irises fell upon her lilac ones she was frozen, surprised at the warmth that enveloped her by that gesture alone. The other two also stood still for a heartbeat, expressions open in surprise and care, in fear of doing something that could push the smaller girl away once more.

A night without her, one spent awake and wondering what had happened, where she was and if everything would be ok had been enough. Enough for both Petra and Dorothea to understand how incomplete the picture would be if Edelgard were to be taken away from them. 

Enough for them to plan, to think and to hope that their Edie would take them back. 

The stunning spell was broken when Dorothea’s eyes were filled with the fears that had kept her hostage throughout the night. As too many emotions translated into tears which were shed without the taller girl’s notice, Edelgard and Petra moved at once, the former embracing her whereas the latter approached with care.

“I’m so sorry,” Dorothea whispered and turned her eyes to El, who was still a few steps under them. “I- I didn’t mean to scare you or anything, I just…”

“Hush, you have nothing to apologize for,” the Imperial princess whispered, climbing one more step out of guilt rather than anything else. “I do. And I am sorry I… reacted in such a way or caused you any concern. I should… You should, would more than likely be better off -”

“Oh no, don’t you start with that,” Dorothea pulled her into the hug and soon Petra’s arm also circled her waist, keeping Edelgard there without restraining. Just as it had been the night before, but this time her mind didn’t protest it. This time, it took that moment as true, tender and kinda, hopeing it wasn’t just a figment of a good dream in the middle of nightmares. “You’re too precious to us, Edie.”

“Things are not the same if you aren’t being here, Elle,” Petra added, rested her cheek on Edelgard’s head. “We will be forcing.. no, we will not be forcing you to tell us what transpired but we are here if you want to.”

“Just don’t run from us again like that, at least not for an entire night.” Tears were wiped clean, though the girls still held each other as close as they could, especially their missing third. Almost as if they were too afraid to let go. “And as much as I want to discuss what happened, that's completely up to you. What we can do, however, is speak of boundaries so something like that doesn’t repeat itself.”

It was something she and Petra had come up with during their many hours spent awake, as an opportunity for Edelgard - no, for everyone - to take control and shape their dynamics into something that was comfortable and fitting for all of them. The way Edie looked surprised at that suggestion, somewhat vulnerable and small in the white nightgown, was enough of a translation on how they should have addressed something like that earlier. How precious that sign of love and respect would be for all of them.

When Dorothea looked down and saw a tentative, albeit sad smile in her lips, she was left with the thought that it was a possible first step. “That would surely be important, yes. Assuming you… you still want me here.”

“First, we do want you here more than everything,” Petra stated, her magenta hair still in the same braid she had done yesterday, as neither she nor Thea had even lay down for some sleep. “Two, maybe we should talk this at a more private location. I have heard that the stairs have ears and I do not want them to form mouths and gossip about us.”

The sun was rising while Edelgard and Dorothea giggled, disentangled from one another and gingerly made their way downstairs once Petra announced she knew a place where they wouldn’t be bothered. The pinks and yellows etched on the sky were also in their eyes as they made their way to the wall that stood between the dormitory building and the green house, then holsted themselves up with some help and fell on verdant green fields on the other side of the monastery, the Oghma mountains far in the distance framing the horizon and some forest closer to them, offering them protection from prying eyes.

The blues and oranges were in their demeanor once they lay down on the grassy floor, with Edelgard in the middle of them, and beamed as the princess was receptive to their touches, to having her gloved hands held and her hair petted. All colors came together the second that they started talking about some of their personal issues and triggers, the initial fear of being judged soon blooming into relieved sighs and smiles since every word was accepted and taken as precious. As the three girls accepted and saw each other as precious as well.

And then, after they had grown quiet for a while and revelled in the gentle, early morning sunlight, the breeze that caressed their cheeks and the closeness to each other, Edelgard dared her demeaning thoughts to stay quiet and parted her lips, gave voice to parts of the past she had survived and left behind. The same parts that had often being silenced by duty, by the need to be an Emperor and a weapon, not a silly girl who had hurt, who had cried and who had eventually opened up to love.

And just as night ebbed into day, darkness into light and black skies became alive with pinks, yellows, oranges and light blue tones, so did the shadow that had taken over their Edie, their Elle, flow into softer, lighter hues of yellow and gold once hope and not fear dared blossoming in her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> So my brain ended up bullying me enough to write this after I realized I wanted to have another, happier go at Doropetragard xD also these girls deserve all the love in the world and having them together just feels good.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed it!


End file.
